Friday, July 11, 2008

A Trip Inside My Mind

Watta week! Probably the best thing that happened to me this week is I just scored a really nice, like-new 2006 Graco convertible car seat for $20.00! (Of the many things Diana taught me, cyber-recycling and cyber-yardsaling is a fave!) One of my other good friends is coming to visit with her almost 2 year old son pretty soon, and now we're ready for them! The carseat will become Desty's, and will grow with her as does Benny's.
LOLOL Yes, this has been a hard week for me! ;-) It's hard to live in the present when your heart and mind are several hundred miles away, isn't it? Despression doesn't come easy to me - I don't know what to do with it. Usually I am supporting people through their depression! I had so much work and homework to do upon returning home from SLC - it was a great excuse not to leave the house. Yesterday I had to get out because I have class on Thursday evenings, and we couldn't put our Costco trip off any longer. We decided to eat Hebrew National hotdogs for lunch at Costco, and while I was saving a table for us, I became a blubbering idiot for no apparent reason...A bit embarrassing, but it felt good!

I survived Accounting again!!!!!!! My nose gets browner by the class! I am searching for an Accounting tutor......I'm finding gobs of math tutors but none to tackle Accounting. Oh, I take that back - I found a service that would find a tutor in Accounting for $40.00/hr!

This blog is without photos because all of our photos are on my computer which crashed AGAIN on Tuesday. LOL So, I have stolen Dustin's laptop AGAIN (Sorry Babe! :-* )

And now, inside my mind: While in Utah, I met and spent a few hours with an older, very traditional woman that lives a very modest life in the corner of Utah. Several times she made comments that would normally really piss me off, but did not because I knew her good intent and where she was coming from. One comment haunts me though..."It's incredible to me that with all of your struggles and personal miseries, that you are sitting here, here to help someone else." Using everything in me to conceal my shock and horror at her interpretation of my life and the comparison it seemed she was making, I replied, "Nothing I have gone through can even compare to what is happening here." (the pain and depth of Diana's situation)

I have been mulling over this on and off for six days. The idea that my disability bogs me down with struggles and misery, and so much so that it precludes me from caring for others, mystifies me. I've actually heard variations of this numerous times. On one hand it makes me chuckle, and on the other hand it really saddens me. I know some people that do blame all of their unhappiness on their disability, but if you ask me, I'd say more than likely, they'd be unhappy regardless of disability. Disability - especially aquired - takes time to adjust to. I know probably over 1,000 people who are DISABLED & PROUD, and that is where I fit in. Ninety-nine percent of the time, I do not even think about not walking or my speech impairment as a negative thing. What is the big deal?! Who the fetch cares?! Well, unfortunately society, I've learned, and everyone with a disability learns. It is that fact that angers me.

So today when my friend sent me a link to a Yahoo News article entitled “Americans would rather be dead than disabled”, I was not surprised. It’s a super sad phenomenon, if you ask me.

The funny thing is, people/society oppress me, my disability does not. We cannot, nor should we, eliminate disability. But it seems to me that as a society, we can and should change the way we think about it. Not merely the way we think about people with disabilities, but all people in all "groups" that we, as a culture, have stigmatized.


Anonymous said...

Amen! People don't realize they are usually the ones with the problem.

Destiny Ann said...


I'm counting down the days to see you and Cedric!

Anonymous said...

Thought I'd rather be dead than a crip- I quickly learned otherwise! We just can't expect others without the experience, other than the reading of books, to understand their own feelings let alone ours. Peace, Blatnik

Destiny Ann said...

MIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!! A BLAST FROM THE PAST!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for reading and commenting!!!

I do agree you can't expect folks to understand their/our feelings, but theirs enough info out there nowadays to educate folks that we choose to live full lives and many pwd have pride in themselves.

- Red-Tailed Hawk;-)

Anonymous said...

Well, people think they would rather be dead but learn to grow, hoepfully.

Keep rockin!